she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
