Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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