I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
