Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
