I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
