After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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