So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
