I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
