I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
