I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
