guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
