I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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