My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
did you just send me my own nude
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize