you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
