I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
