He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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