i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
