I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
