hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize