Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
