There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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