dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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