Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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