SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
