i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
