her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
