Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
