Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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