i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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