he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
