You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
