I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
