Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
