I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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