i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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