i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
