Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
