She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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