Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
