Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
