Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
