You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize