I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize