you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
