we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
