you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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