are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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