Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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