Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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