she was so not down for the gang bang
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
