is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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