I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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