That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize