blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
