This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
