I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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