Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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