I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
