It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
