you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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