gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
