i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
