That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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