there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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